so_hawkward: ([hawk] aimed and ready)
[personal profile] so_hawkward
So, when Deadpool said he'd let Clint do all the talking, what he meant was that he'd let Clint talk while knocking out anyone who got in their way.

"You're really a lunatic," Clint said as Deadpool rolled the unconscious coroner into the morgue.

"An effective lunatic!" Deadpool said. "We're inside, aren't we?"

Clint sighed and looked for their dead attacker, which thankfully didn't take long. He snapped a picture of the guy's information with his phone while Deadpool dipped the coroner's hand in some warm water because he was a lunatic and a twelve year old. "Are you done? Come on, we've got a name and a last known address, one of the nuthouses here in Brooklyn."

The hospital was quiet when Clint and Deadpool arrived, and Clint was grateful to not see any lights on. The last thing they needed were patients getting in the way while he talked to the staff and Deadpool... did whatever he would do.

"I let you do the talking at the morgue. Now it's my turn," Deadpool said as they went up the steps.

"You didn't let me do any talking," Clint said. "And we're not taking turns. We'll ask questions, get answers, and there won't be any senseless violence."

That, of course, was when the doors slammed open, and dozens of patients charged at Clint and Deadpool.

"'Senseless Violence at a Loony Bin' would be a good band name," Deadpool said, as the first patient charged him, screaming, "I am a patriot!"

"Don't use any weapons! They're not in their right minds!" Clint yelled. They fought their way through the first wave of attackers, and with enough force (namely, Clint headbutting them), some of the patients started to shake off whatever had been done to them. "Come on, let's find out who's in charge around here. We need to find whoever's pulling their—"

"Looks like it's time for round two!" Deadpool said as a well-muscled patient picked Clint up and threw him against a wall. "Hey, if anybody is going to beat up Hawkeye, it's me or his brother!"

"Could you maybe shoot this guy just a little?" Clint asked, trying to break out of the patient's grip.

"I have my hands full!" Deadpool said, and Clint winced as he was thrown again, this time breaking through the wall – and right into the sight of Black Cat.

"Hawkeye," she said, pointing her gun at him. "Give me Ellsden's list."

"Whoa, hey, there's no need for that," Clint said, making a very undignified noise as the patient pulled him back out of the wall. Clint fell to the ground, clutching at his stomach and trying to catch his breath.

"That's it, I'm calling for a time out," Deadpool said. He climbed on top of a desk, pulled out a lighter, and held it up to the sprinkler sticking out of the ceiling until it went off, spraying everyone in the room with water. "Gather 'round everybody, and I'll tell you something important about working with Thor..."

"You don't work with Thor!" Clint managed to say as he climbed onto the desk.

"... Always wear rubber soles," Deadpool said. He pulled one of the electrical cords free from the wall and held it onto one of the puddles on the floor. "Time to ride the lightning, boys!"

On one hand, Deadpool's idea was pretty effective at getting all of their attackers down at once. On the other hand... "My head is killing me now," Clint said as they headed for the administrator's office. "Please try to remember not everyone has non-stop regeneration? And Black Cat got away because of you."

"I distinctly remember you getting pulled away from her," Deadpool said. "And in other bad news, we totally just fought the head of this place in the hallway." He offered Clint a framed family photo from the desk.

"Damn it," Clint said, putting the frame back. "I wanted this case to be over tonight. Come on, there's nothing more we can do here."

Deadpool nodded, and he and Clint went back towards the front, stepping carefully over unconscious patients on their way. "Hey, did Black Cat put her bad-luck whammy on you?"

"I'm standing here talking to you, aren't I?" Clint said.

Deadpool laughed. "Touche."

When the cops arrived, Clint did most of the talking, but in the cab ride back to his apartment, Clint was a lot quieter. "I didn't realize being an Avenger meant talking to the police so much," Deadpool said. "The case of 'The Dead Guy on Hawkeye's Doorstep' is a hard one, huh?" Clint grunted a little, and that seemed to be enough for Deadpool. "I'm going to check on Agent Preston. Let's get a couple hours sleep and we'll start working the Black Cat angle first thing at the crack of noon."

Clint nodded, and thankfully the cab pulled up to his building before he had to try to make more small talk. Working with Deadpool might have been the best option, but it was exhausting. When he headed upstairs, he stopped at Simone's door, and tried to casually listen to see if he could hear anyone awake, since it was sort of daylight and all. He couldn't hear the exact words being said, he heard the little Simones running around and... yeah, that was definitely Barney. How the hell had he missed that? The thought of his brother being with a good woman made him smile, right up until he got to his own apartment and saw the broken lock and the door still cracked open.

"Who's in there?" he said, pushing the door open. "Look, whoever just broke into my place, I'm tired, and I'm not in the mood." Clint took a few more steps inside, and stopped when he caught sight of a woman standing in his living room.

"I'm scared. Can you help me?" she said.

"Who are you?" Clint asked. "And who else is with you?"
The answer to that question came in the electric shock Clint received before everything went black.


Follow orders. Obey. Do not question authority.

"I wish we could have a few more hours with him. The more sessions, the better the drone."

Subservience is freedom. Follow the program.

"Are you ready to do what must be done?"

"... I am a patriot."

[Adapted from Hawkeye vs. Deadpool #1 and #2. TW for violence, ableist language, and brainwashing. Because Clint.]

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Clint Barton

August 2017

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