From the Radio Station to MHA #10, Wednesday Morning

[so_hawkward]

After turning into an animal on the radio, spending a solid week as a hawk, and then turning back into a human on the radio--a naked human, and god he hoped that kid wasn't going to be scarred for life--the chilly walk from the radio station to Kitty's apartment actually wasn't so bad. It was a quick trip, thankfully, and Clint had managed to grab enough crumpled radio notes from the squirrels to cover what needed to be covered in public.

He was pretty sure he'd passed some of the old ladies in town on their way to Water Aerobics, but he'd done his best to keep his head down until he got to Kitty's door, at which point he used his head to knock because a) he was still covering what needed to be covered in public, and b) banging his head against something was a necessity at this point.

[For the wonderful girlfriend!]

Comments

[throughaphase]

Kitty thought it was a really good thing that she tended to listen to radio live. Hearing the broadcast, she'd already gotten dressed and gotten Clint's things together because she figured he'd probably be stuck at the radio station... and instead there was a knock. Or rather, a head bang.

Slightly confused, she went to open the front door, and had to try really hard not to look too amused. "Oh, honey. Welcome back!"

[so_hawkward]

"I'm cold and I hate this island," Clint said, leaning inside. "Please tell me you still have clothes for me here?"

[throughaphase]

"I do," she said, letting him in. "Even if I like this view."

...Well, she did.

[so_hawkward]

"It's a better view when it's not so cold. And I don't mind showing off for you."

What was it Billy had said about it being a bad day for talking? Maybe coming over here hasn't been a great idea after all. "So, last week sucked. A lot."

[throughaphase]

"I know. I'm sorry," she said, getting his clothes and bringing them back for him. "I tried to make it not suck as much."

[so_hawkward]

"You really did. I especially appreciate how you kept me from eating things I shouldn't have eaten," Clint said with a small smile. "Thankfully, my craving for rodents has gone away. I guess I should have stuck with you this morning, huh?"

[throughaphase]

"You should always stick with me," Kitty said, handing him his clothes. "I'm probably just going to try to get these off of you later. Even after the rodent craving comment."

...Okay.

[so_hawkward]

"Well, I don't mind if you try. I like how you look at me," Clint said, getting very focused in getting his pants on. "I thought maybe something was up with me from being a person again, but now I'm not so sure."

[throughaphase]

"What would be up?" Kitty wondered.

[so_hawkward]

"Saying stuff I shouldn't say," Clint muttered, muffled by putting his shirt back on too. "And not saying stuff I should say, like thanking you more for taking such good care of me. I'm... you know, not exactly used to that."

[throughaphase]

"I kind of figured that," Kitty said. "And you don't have to thank me for that. You should get treated well, hawk or not."

[so_hawkward]

Yeah, Clint was just going to focus on his belt so he could avoid looking at Kitty when she said uncomfortable things like that. "I couldn't exactly take care of myself as a hawk, so that's different," he said. "I'm glad I turned into something cool at least."

[throughaphase]

"I'm a little jeous," she said, and couldn't not ask, "Are you trying to change the subject there?"

[so_hawkward]

"Yes?" Clint said, wincing a little at not being able to give the less upsetting answer. "It's weird to talk about how you think I should get treated. Don't you think?"

[throughaphase]

"Okay, when you put it that way, a little," Kitty said. "Even if I have nothing but good things to say there. Okay, I get what you were saying, with something being up."

[so_hawkward]

"Right? This is a little weird?" Clint said, going over and reaching for one of Kitty's hands. "I'm glad you have good things to say. And I assume they're not all about how I look out of my clothes?"

[throughaphase]

"Some of them definitely are," she said with a squeeze of his hand. "I don't know. I just like making sure you know how great I think you are."

[so_hawkward]

"I'm fully aware of how awesome you think I am. I just don't always agree."

See, why couldn't he have just stopped after the first part?

[throughaphase]

Kitty really did try not to push him into talking and let him tell her these sorts of things at his own pace.

And today she couldn't help it. "Why not?"

Sorry, Clint.

[so_hawkward]

"'Cause I'm not a good person?" Clint said, frowning. "I know you don't like to hear that because you don't think it's true, but a lot of that is because you're so good."

[throughaphase]

"You give me too much credit, and I know it's not true," Kitty said, frowning. "How could you think you're not a good person?"

[so_hawkward]

"Because I'm not? I've hurt people in the past, and I don't mean with Loki, I mean as myself." This was definitely something Clint didn't want to say, but maybe it was better that Kitty knew. "And I regret it, and working with SHIELD was how I was starting to even the numbers out a little, and then Loki came along and now I'm right back where I started."

[throughaphase]

"I can't imagine you doing anything that bad, but doubt bad things doesn't automatically make you a bad person, Clint. And trying to make up for those things would negate that all anyway," Kitty said, moving to slide her free arm around him. "You're the guy who saves his apartment building and rescues wounded dogs and tries to help out the kids here. That's what's important."

[so_hawkward]

"You do remember that one of the first times we met, I was trying to kill some of those kids, right?" Clint asked. "Trying isn't good enough. Trying doesn't actually help people."

[throughaphase]

"As someone who once stabbed one of her best friends through the heart while brainwashed, things you do under someone else's influence should't count in things you need to make up for," Kitty told him. "You do help people."

[so_hawkward]

"It does count. It has to count, or there's no way to make up for it," Clint said. "I help people sometimes, but it's not enough. Not yet."

[throughaphase]

Answers like this were why Clint inspired hugs.

"When will it be enough?" Kitty asked.

[so_hawkward]

"I honestly don't know." The 'honestly' was a bit redundant, but... "It still doesn't feel close to even. I'm sorry. I know I sound pathetic. Did you really stab your friend?" Sorry Kitty, he couldn't not ask.

[throughaphase]

"Yeah," she said with a wince. "He has a healing factor, so I just really almost killed him instead of actually killing him. He's the one who helped me be Kitty again, though, so I take it he forgave me."

[so_hawkward]

"I think friends are more forgiving than anyone else," Clint said quietly. "I'm glad you're both okay."

[throughaphase]

"Me, too. He's more like my dad than my dad was," she said, really not sure if she was okay admitting that or not.

[so_hawkward]

"Original dads are over rated. The ones you pick for yourself are always better," Clint said with a smirk.

[throughaphase]

"My dad's a touchy subject for me," Kitty said, looking apologetic because she couldn't stop talking. "And the family I picked for myself I try to avoid now."

[so_hawkward]

"My family is a touchy subject too. And... I don't really have a family I picked out," Clint admitted, because he couldn't help himself. "Did you not choose wisely?"

[throughaphase]

"I chose great. I just keep expecting to get calls telling me they're dead." Ugh ugh Kitty hated everything. "That's why I had to leave to begin with."

[so_hawkward]

"Like, leave to come here? Were you in danger?" He probably should have been aware of that, right? Wasn't that a boyfriendly thing?

[throughaphase]

"No," she said quickly. "I just lost a lot of people in a short amount of time because of the stupid mutant thing, and when Peter died, that was my last straw. So I quit and went to school instead because I wanted a normal life."

Yeah. That worked out.

[so_hawkward]

"You almost have a normal life here," Clint was quick to point out. "You have a job and friends and... well, me. And there's no mutant troubles. That's close, right?" Clint asked, giving her hand another squeeze.

[throughaphase]

"It's about as close as I'll ever get. I have a job where I employ zombies and friends who are werewolves and vampires in a town where we get stuck telling the truth on random days," Kitty pointed out with a little smile. "I think you and I are the only normal thing I really have going on."

Though, the fact that it didn't hurt anymore to admit that her life wasn't exactly normal was a surprising, good thing.

[so_hawkward]

"I like what you and I have going on. You're the best thing that's happened to me in a long while." Yeah, that was sappy, but at least today he could maybe get away with it without seeming too weird.

[throughaphase]

That he could. Of course, it'd get matched with sappy right back. "Same for you," she said. "I think I forgot what it was like to be happy before you came along."

[so_hawkward]

"We're kind of a sad pair, aren't we?" Clint said, sighing. "That a nice relationship is so weird to us, I mean."

[throughaphase]

"We are. I'm so used to things ending badly that I don't know what it means that we haven't even had our first fight yet." She was sure it was 'yet,' because the fact that she didn't get into more arguments in general in Fandom was a little weird.

[so_hawkward]

"I keep waiting for our first fight too!" There were probably better things to agree on, but this was a start, at least? "I can't believe I've gone this long without doing anything to piss you off."

[throughaphase]

Kitty had to laugh a little at that. "I feel like it'd be harder to get mad when I know you're trying with me, and I'm trying too. I worry that I'm going to either hurt you or drive you away if I don't."

Okay, she could have done without saying that last part, but maybe it was a good thing that it was out there?

[so_hawkward]

Yeah, maybe this truth thing wasn't entirely bad after all. "You're not going to drive me away. It's not possible. I like you too much, and anything that would drive me away is something you won't do," he said. "So, you don't have to worry about that."

[throughaphase]

"I've thought that before, and next thing you know, the guy finds someone he loves more than me." Once. It'd happened once. And one day Kitty was going to have to learn to take into account that Peter was an idiot. "And yet I'm still feeling hopeful now."

[so_hawkward]

"You're the only person I love right now." Oh god that felt weird coming out of his mouth, even though he'd said something similar before. "So, uh, I guess you should feel hopeful."

[throughaphase]

"I like hearing that," Kitty said, leaning up to kiss him. It was nice to hear it every now and then, especially when she didn't say it first. "You're the only person I love right now, too."